Are You Dressed to Distress?
I have this thing about men and the way they attire themselves. I'd say it's borderline arrogant, or perhaps it's just plain snob with a capital "S." To me, there's nothing more attractive than a man who knows instinctively how to dress himself, and does so in an aesthetically pleasing manner. I LOVE men's clothing, and it's so refreshing when I see a man who gets it; his attire only enhancing everything else he has to offer. However, when I see a man who is fashionably challenged, I cringe.
For instance, while traveling by train recently, I saw a nice-looking young man standing in the aisle. What caught my eye was his attire: sweats. Sweats as in sweatshirt with matching sweatpants. (Some folks might refer to this as a jogging suit, but in this case, there wasn't any nylon or zippered jacket accompanying this getup.) The guy didn't look like he'd just finished playing football. He was carrying shopping bags full of wrapped presents. He looked as though he might be on his way to someone's home. I shuddered at the thought, unless it was a pajama party and he was wearing his PJs on the train.
So my question to you men out there is this: why do you wear sweats for something other than working out at the gym or playing sports? I understand you want to be comfortable, but ... hello? Jeans maybe? Sneakers? T-shirt and pullover? How about a fleece jacket? Am I asking too much here?
Don't get me wrong. When you're cutting up firewood, I don't expect you to wear a tuxedo. Your old sweatshirt with the "fish fear me, women love me" slogan on it is perfectly fine, but leave it home when you're anyplace other than the woods. Must I be subjected to a large-mouthed bass staring at me across the dinner table?
I have this thing about sweatshirts with logos, images or sayings on them. The same holds true for t-shirts. It's one thing if that sweatshirt or t-shirt is broadcasting your alma mater; at least it's a bit more refined. If it's the company you work for or own, I understand the concept of free advertising by wearing it if the design is tastefully executed, but really. Can't y'all just try logo-less sweatshirts and t-shirts? Don't make me do extra work when looking at you. If you force me to read "BillyBob's Body Shop, Tuscon, Arizona, I'll get a headache. It's going to distract me from what you really want to happen, and that is for me to look at you, the person inside that eyesore of a shirt. It ain't gonna happen if you're dressed to distress.
There's no problem with jeans as long as they're not acid-washed. I don't care what's in style. Basic blue jeans are the preference here. Extra points for wearing something other than sneakers, though sneakers can be sexy too. Don't forget to leave the "Demolition Derby '85" sweatshirt in between the motor oil and the wiper fluid in your garage. After all, you'll need something to wipe your hands with after working on the car, and that sweatshirt will come in handy.
And someone please step forward and explain to me the idea of black shoes, black socks AND shorts. Please, I beg you. Where did that come from, grandpa? Nothing is more horrifying than seeing a grown man in shorts accompanied by black ankle socks and black shoes. Who started this trend and what drug was he on when he did it? There's nothing more to say except please don't do this to yourself. Trust me, the image is not one that anyone enjoys.
If you plan to wear shorts, please don't make them so long that they fall below your knees. You're not 10 years old. You're an adult. Dress like one. Appropriate shoes for shorts-wearing include boat shoes (aka 'Topsiders' or 'Docksiders', which should be worn ONLY with shorts or jeans and NO socks,) sandals, loafers or sneakers. That's IT. Really simple.
And while I'm on the subject, let's talk PLEATS. Whoever invented pleats on pants and shorts should be shot. Plain and simple. Unless you wear a size 2, pleats will NEVER make you look good, I don't care what anyone says. Pleats on shorts or trousers or cotton pants make EVERYONE look 10 pounds heavier than they are. And forget about the side slash pockets too. If you have a habit of putting your hands in your pockets, it just makes you look <-------> W I D E R. Stick to flat front trousers and cotton pants and shorts. You'll thank me for that tip.
Another fashion faux pas seen frequently is the distasteful penchant some men have for wearing micro bathing suits at the beach. Some wear thongs, some wear bathing suits so small that there's little left to the imagination, so why bother wearing it in the first place. It's obvious that these "banana hammocks" serve no purpose other than to scream out that you're looking for attention. Whose attention you're after is the big question here. What increases the distastefulness of this getup is wearing one of these tiny suits when you're out of shape or carry a keg of beer in front of you. Men who wear these bathing suits need to look in a mirror or have someone tell them the honest truth. It's no different than the reaction you have when seeing an overweight woman on the beach in a bikini. Some things are best left for the confines of one's backyard.
There are men who need help with their attire and men who just have a flair for dressing themselves properly. Smart men know what suits them best, what works and what doesn't, and the adventurous actually wear pullovers in a color other than navy blue, black and gray. If they're stumped as to what to buy, savvy men ask a woman for help, or ask a manager or sales clerk for assistance. I realize that many men don't ask for help, but in this case, you're smarter if you do. Get yourself a copy of GQ Magazine or any other fashion magazine for men and read/learn what to put together. You don't become a sissy because you care about how you look -- it's a definite advantage to know how to dress well for all occasions.
A good male friend of mine asked me to help him select clothes. I took into consideration the type of person he is, what he usually wears and what he'd be comfortable in. I didn't make decisions for him; instead, I pointed him in the direction of what worked for his frame and what made him look unattractive and why. I introduced the idea of flat-front pants, khakis and color. I explained to him that he had to be comfortable in the clothes and not purchase something that would hide in the back of his closet. For him, the stores to accomplish this task were The Gap and Banana Republic, along with a visit to a leather store for a good leather jacket. All in all it was pretty basic shopping for clothing that would never go out of style.
And for the record, fashion is not a gender thing. There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and looking great. It's a very simple process and one that can be achieved painlessly with the right assistance. If you insist on doing it yourself without seeking assistance, here's some advice. Stick to solid colors. Stay away from logos. Can't match the tie with the shirt and suit? If you're not going to ask someone then stick to solid colors. Color blind? Again, your best bet is to ask someone to go with you or a sales clerk in the store to help. Ask for their recommendations. Find out what the classics are (the styles that are always in style, not something that will be out next season.) Stay away from pleated pants and shorts. Get a bathing suit that fits properly and doesn't bunch up between your legs. Buy the right footwear too. Never ever wear your winged tips with black socks and khaki shorts. Most importantly, save the matching sweats for the gym, your next football game, or when you're washing the car.