←July 2006 | Main | September 2006→

August 31, 2006

Meanwhile back at the funny farm...

... I had to set aside my nursely duties temporarily in favor of a freelance opportunity that popped up recently (you gotta love friends who recommend you to others!) I'm psyched about the work as it is web-related and who better than moi to contribute my three cents to a mega project. Yay me.

Every little bit of work REALLY HELPS RIGHT NOW. Copywriting and editing that can be done remotely is perfect work for me these days, nevermind the occasional can you build a site for me requests that somehow drift my way. I'd happily take on additional work. I try not to overwhelm myself with thoughts of soon residing on curbside. Of course while I'm busy pondering that very bleak and upsetting thought, the optimistic side of me kicks in and screams loudly, "Oh STOPPITRIGHTNOW! It's NOT that bad, is it?" *sigh*

Being self-employed allows me to run off at a moment's notice to do things like help my family, yet the idea of a regular paycheck frequently beckons. It's a discussion I have often with friends who are in the same boat. Damned if we do, damned if we don't. For me, family caretaking is priority and I'll worry about myself after that. Is full-time, regular paycheck work-from-anywhere my own pipedream or is it something real and possible I've yet to find. My brain hurts thinking about it.

Don't mind me, I'm just dusting my brain on a Thursday morning. ;-)

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (6)

Virginia to Texas

Kat of Kat's Stuff has moved her blog (note new URL for her site is katsscratch.blogspot.com) and soon will move herself + family out of Viriginia and back into Texas. It's good to see her writing again. I've missed that sharp wit of hers. :-)

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (4)

August 25, 2006

This is Interesting

One never knows what one will find in their stats.

I'm sure there's a good explanation for it floating around somewhere. Then again, we can make one up. ;-)

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (7)

Friday Feathers

A tall and stately bird, the Great Egret (Ardea alba) slowly stalks shallow wetlands looking for small fish to spear with its long sharp bill. Nests in colonies of up to 100 individuals. All-white bird with a long, pointed, yellow bill, black stilt-like legs and black feet.

Now protected, it was hunted to near extinction in the 1800s and early 1900s for its long white plumage. The common name "Egret" came from the French word aigrette, which means "ornamental tufts of plumes." The plumes grow near the tail during breeding season.

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (2)

Ma petite saucisse

Translation: "my little sausage"

So there I was...

... with a package of turkey sausages. The market had no pork sausages and I'd wanted something porky to go with my pasta. I had to settle for turkey. Okay, it's supposed to be healthier for you and I've had some turkey products like that before, so I went ahead with my link purchase.

When cooking any type of pork product, force of habit for me is to cook it until the fire department shows up, because we all know that half-cooked or partially cooked pork could just kill ya.

In my very evident glee in having a good pork substitute (albeit a healthy one) in my possession, I somehow neglected to realize that it was turkey, not pork. No matter, I'd just cook it up the same way I do with the pork. I take the skillet out, fill it with water, not overflowing and not underflowing, just enough to top the linkies.

Now, I don't know if you've ever seen what a turkey sausage looks like when it boils, but suddenly I looked at the skillet and said to myself, "Oh my god, they look like uncircumcised penises!" The horror! I couldn't get the image out of my mind (not that I have a problem with uncircumcised penises, mind you.)

The next step in my cooking process is to then broil them to death, thereby guaranteeing the heat-infused demise of any potential, er, uhm, pork thingie problem. (Obviously still not mindful of the fact that these are turkey sausages.) I slipped the uncircumcised now-white turkey penises into the broiler and instantly morph into albino weenie dominatrix.

I think I broiled those things for hours. At least it seemed that way. Funny thing was, they looked no different after torching than they did when I first put them in the broiler - except for the charring, of course. I had set one aside and then wrapped the rest in aluminum foil for the next day.

When I returned to the fridge a couple of days later and wondered what was hidden in a bed of foil, a family of sad and sorry, flaccid and suddenly elderly charred weenies were unearthed from the wrapping.

It is obvious that something is terribly wrong with me.

- from my February 9, 2005 archives.

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (2)

August 19, 2006

Pregnancy Never Looked So Pathetic

Can't someone find a stylist for Britney? I mean, c'mon. It's not like the girl has no money for attractive and complementary maternity attire. Sheesh.

Posted by me, of course!

Lovestruck Puppy Dog

This past week I had to take mom shopping for a few gifts she wanted to buy. Usually I can pretty much find/figure out where certain items are without requiring assistance. Unfortunately, this particular store had items everywhere but where you'd expect them. Enter lovestruck puppy dog... to the rescue!

The assistant manager of the store offered to help us find the items we needed, offering mom a chair to sit down in while he and I went off in pursuit of the items on her list. Now I'm totally blind when it comes to someone being interested in me; I'm typically in a state of shock when a friend informs me about it later on. However, the assistant manager, who I knew was some years my junior, brought new meaning to the phrase head over heels.

Since I was the only person near him, it had to be me. This wasn't merely a case of superb customer service, boredom at the cash register or lack of customers. No, it was all about me, goddess that I was in my shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops, tanned blonde-hair-glistening diva. I imagined him thinking Wow! She's a hottie. Wow! She's funny! Wow! She's smart! Wow! I'd like to... and god knows what other images developed in that adorable head of his. Like I said, it was about me.

Anyhoo, we worked quite well together as we ran around the store collecting items. We joked, we laughed, we made mistakes and both of us used the expression duh! more than once. It became a game of who will find it first and that made it fun (shopping = fun? whodathunkit?) It took about 15 minutes before I realized that I was dealing with a lovestruck puppy dog. Surely there's some nice little lovely he'd best invest his hormonal urges in, right? Someone more his age, or was he busy thinking Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore? Cher/bagel boy? I've never seen such a glazed expression on a guy's face before. (Of course I considered the possibility that he was glazed, dazed and confused due to a hangover, sleepless night or some other reason.) Had he been suffering from any of those, I doubt he would have been so cheerfully willing to run around a store at 10 in the morning.

We succeeded in finding everything on mom's list and puppy dog offered up his business card in case we needed anything... at any time. That was some amazing customer service I'd just experienced. I thought it would be a wonderful thing if every shopping experience was so painless and fun, but that's just a pipedream, yes? Superb customer service AND a guy who swoons over you while you shop? If only... er, if only I didn't feel like I'd be robbing the cradle... ;-)

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (6)

August 18, 2006

Friday Feathers

Introduced to the U.S. in 1890-91 from Europe, the European Starling is a gray-to-black bird with white speckles in fall and winter and shiny purple black during spring and summer. It has a long pointed yellow bill in spring that turns gray in the fall.

Often displaces woodpeckers, chickadees and other cavity-nesting birds. Can be very aggressive and destroy eggs or young of other birds. Its bill changes color with the seasons.

As a bonus this time around, here are some starlings in action.

Europeans are NEVER dull. :-)

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (2)

Hot Steamy Nights

As I lie on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night.

You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you lay on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.

Finally, I went to sleep.

Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it harder to forget you.

Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... [more in extended entry]

... you fucking mosquito.

Also posted in August 2003, August 2004 and August 2005. Obviously I decided it will be an annual event each August. Original source via Zoe @ MBIAT

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (5)

August 13, 2006

My Laptop Has Gone Bonkers

My Powerbook G4 no longer closes properly. I guess the catch is broken, but how that happened is beyond me. Then there's the continuing saga of a cursor gone wild -- it now has a mind of its own. If the cursor happens to skim past an item, it opens the item even though I didn't click on it. The delete key isn't working the way it used to either.

Any suggestions on how to fix these issues (visiting the Apple Store's Genius Bar would be the final measure, but I'd rather try to fix it myself first) would be greatly appreciated.

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (12)

Light Blogging for the Interim

I neglected to mention that I've not been taking my laptop with me while busy playing Nurse Ratchet. Lugging the laptop along with my camera equipment plus other necessities isn't my idea of fun. Of course if I was travelling to and fro via automobile this wouldn't be an issue. Instead, items that are travelling with me must be whittled down to the absolute minimum -- clothing, toiletries, shoes, a book, camera equipment. Yup, my priorities. No laptop means no blogging during the week. So while I'm busy doing what needs to be done during the week (tomorrow is week #3 of my nursely duties) blogging will remain a weekend activity.

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (2)

August 11, 2006

Friday Feathers

The White-breasted Nuthatch (Sitta carlinensis) is a slate gray bird with a white face and belly, black cap and nape. It has a long thin bill that is slightly upturned and a chestnut undertail.

The nuthatch's habit of hopping headfirst down tree trunks helps it see insects and insect eggs that birds climbing up the trunk might miss. Incredible climbing agility comes from an extra-long hind toe claw or nail, nearly twice the size of the front toe claws. The name "Nuthatch" comes from the Middle English moniker nuthak, referring to the bird's habit of wedging a seed into a crevice and hacking it open.

Posted by me, of course!

August 4, 2006

Friday Feathers

King Vultures (Sarcoramphus papa) are very striking, especially since most other vultures are all black.

The wings are mostly white with black tips. The ruff, flight and tail feathers are gray to black; the black areas have an almost opalescent sheen. Their bare head, neck, beak and muttle are red, orange and yellow, with very striking eyes that are straw, white or silver in color. Their beaks have a hooked tip and cutting edges, which are very strong. Their feet are gray. This vulture is native to tropical lowland forests; its range extends from southern Mexico to southern Argentina.

Note: I photographed this one at a zoo, and thanks to some Photoshop hoo-hah, was able to sharpen the image a bit and soften the distracting cage the bird was in.

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (6)

Snap Crackle Pop!

So there I was, off like a dirty shirt to visit mom for a few days. Each time I venture out there I've come to expect the unexpected. On Sunday and Monday mom was her usual witty self, cracking jokes about anything and everything. Her humor quotient has increased exponentially over the years and it's always a treat for me when some hysterical something flies out of her mouth.

My visits to mom's house always include the donning of my "Director of Property Management" hat. That title was given to me when I moved myself into her house while she was recovering from a broken hip and dislocated shoulder some years ago. Sitting in the house doing nothing while she was at physical therapy evaporated once I began gardening and planting flowers. Since then I've been known to appear out of nowhere with a pair of gardening gloves and shears, ready to perform surgery on any plant, vine, shrub or what-have-you that requires pruning, chopping or beheading. I've also dead-headed enough flowers to fill a stadium. As you can see, I take my property management role extremely seriously. It's also a great way to dust the brain (yuk yuk.)

Tuesday morning around 6:30 a.m. or so I was busy beheading the deceased and crusty remnants of a rose bush when my older sister alerted me to an incident taking place inside the house. My mother, who unintentionally passed the clumsy gene on to me, took a tumble and dislocated her shoulder for the fourth (OUCH!) time. (Note that use of the word "OUCH" is putting it mildly.) My sister and I have (unfortunately) become used to this; we've experienced and dealt with so many incidents like this one that it's now second nature. We automatically morph from my mother's daughters into Chief Administrator (my sister) and Nurse Ratchet (me.) My sister handles the all the paperwork, doctors, etc. and I do everything else. We're so used to our roles that there's never any hesitation in managing the crisis at hand; we just make whatever has to happen, happen. [More in extended entry.]

Meanwhile it's 1000 degrees and humid outside. I need not expound on how hot it was because by today, I'm sure some of you have caught that little tidbit on the news and it's not as if the rest of the U.S. didn't have that same heat wave. (I know Europe had the heat wave also.) So we've all been melting like chocolate bars left in a hot oven but I'm in nurse mode so it's not top of mind. Getting mom to the hospital ER is the priority. It only took us an hour and a half to convince her she needed to go there. Mom was sitting there trying her best to pretend she wasn't in a lot of pain; she put on her poker face and claimed she was okay, that the shoulder would *magically* (this, after 3 previous incidents) put itself back into its socket. Rotator cuffs aside, it was obvious she couldn't keep up the farce much longer. Dressing her was a free-for-all; mom didn't want help and was determined to do it herself, nevermind that this was, uhm, difficult. A half hour or so later we were in the car and off to the hospital.

My sister drove and soon it became evident that I should have been behind the wheel, as she decided to take what I call the 'scenic route' to the hospital. It was still early enough in the morning that the ER at the hospital might not have too many people in it and I wanted us to get there like yesterday. Eventually my sister righted her wrong turns and we're there, a brief period of 1000-degree heat and then into the frigid air conditioning of the ER. Now the fun part begins. The process from Point A (filling out paperwork) to Point B (graduating from paperwork to the waiting area) to Point C (entry into the actual ER) to Point D (being assigned a spot in the ER) to Point E (having vitals taken by an ER nurse) to Point F (being given some sort of something for the pain) to Point G (being taken for x-rays) to Point H (being seen by an actual ER doctor) to Point I (being given the happy juice) to Point J (shuffling the daughters out of the ER) to Point K (wrapping sheets around mom, capturing that runaway shoulder, wrestling it to the ground (okay I'm getting carried away here) and slapping the handcuffs on (in this case, a body brace.) Point L (mom is in and out of happy land, unaware that anything went on, thinking her dislocation is still a runaway.) Point M (more x-rays) Point N (monitoring the vitals) Point O (continues to be monitored) Point P (permission to depart the premises - mom: "But they haven't put the shoulder back in yet!") Point Q (quick, get me those x-rays!) Point R (sitting around waiting another half hour for the x-rays) Point S (7 hours later, soon we'll be home.)

I failed to mention mom's ER doctor. I've seen more than enough ER doctors and this guy looked like he was fresh out of medical school. My nieces would have swooned but I simply admired his bedside manner and extremely serious demeanor. Good for you Doctor McDreamy, because I was watching you. One wrong move and you'd be outta there. The last time my mom dislocated her shoulder, a crunchy granola ER doc put her shoulder back in its socket without any meds; need I say more? Her screams could be heard in the waiting room, that's how bad it was. There was no way in hell I'd let that happen again, and my sister and I made sure of it. I was awash in gratitude (is that possible?) that the ER doc did it right. YAY you.

While all of the above was taking place, my friend Ken was patiently sitting here in NYC watching the plans we'd made weeks ago melt away in a nanosecond. Thankfully he understood the circumstances and though I'm here now (temporarily off-duty) in NYC, we've yet to see each other. We had planned to visit a local wildlife refuge and take all these great photographs of ... duh... wildlife, but oh well, it wasn't meant to be. While I was busy playing nurse, Ken experienced his own nightmares almost an hour after his plane landed and he's still cleaning up that mess. I think we both need a stiff drink or five.

Meanwhile back at the funny farm, that's where I've been this week and what I've been up to. Nevermind the client that somehow didn't manage to put the check in the mail (thank you very little), the fact that it's stifling hot here and the dead 'common household pest' I found on the floor of my apartment when I returned. At the present time the dead pest is residing under an overweight catalog that happened to crash down upon said pest by yours truly. I left it there until the coroner (in this case that would be Ken) shows up. I ain't touching that thing.

And there ya have it.

Posted by me, of course! | Comments (4)