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February 28, 2004
My Head is Up My Ass
... and other useless commentary.
Maybe it's that the sun is shining more often here in NYC, or maybe it's that things have suddenly sped up in the work arena (a good thing, btw.) Jewelry biz, not bad. Consulting biz, big possibilities on the horizon. Other quality-of-life areas: pending improvements. All I can say is that things are a bit bizarre at DMB today. *shrug*
In other news ...
Dave Kendall sent me an email while he attempted to get out of Virginia during a snowstorm and back home to Los Angeles. For a bit of background, Kendall and I met years ago when we both worked with Adam. Dave was the first person to call me Cinders. Zoe is the second. (Must be a Brit thing.) Anyway, it was great hearing from Kendall. Talk about a blast from the past!
All I know is that [*sniff*] the air around me is rife with liquid speed and my head is spinning. How bizarre, how bizarre. (thinking of that song now from OMC.)
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Audio Links
Kat of Mostly Fluff recently posted an audio link on her blog with one of her hysterically funny stories. That got me thinking about my lobster roll of links, and how cool it would be to replace those typed links with links to audio snippets. I'd love to hear the voices of those on the roll. Some that come to mind include Oz of GDay Mate, then there's Greg of Mr. Helpful, and Al of Fulton Chain. I'd also like to hear the voices of Dawn, Joanie and Wendy, and everyone else on my esteemed list of links.
Just because I had this idea doesn't mean that anyone's going to run and do it, but it would be cool. Oh well. So much for today's deposit of brain dust.
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Birthday Discounts
The other day I received a 15 percent off coupon from The Gap in honor of my birthday.
Today I received two more; one for 10 percent off Victoria's Secret, (I don't do the Secret.
I do LaPerla) the other for 15 percent off Banana Republic.
That's all very lovely, considering the fact that my birthday isn't until next month. Wouldn't a 15 percent off coupon from Apple Computer be nice! If The Gap can do it, so can Apple. (dream on, Cindy.) :-)
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WTF?
It's not like my nickname is trademarked or anything, but someone tell me what this is.
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February 27, 2004
Ham Steak and Sky Pigs
DMB blog reader Mike sent me a goodie bag from the Army National Guard. Inside the box of surprise treats I found an official Sky Pigs t-shirt, Army cap, Sherpa sticker and a ham steak. (Yes, you read that right. A ham steak.)
Thanks Mike!
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Disturbingly Loud Sex
Woman Reports Neighbor for Disturbingly Loud Sex
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman took her male neighbor to
court for noise pollution after he repeatedly kept her awake
through half the night and had at least one four-hour sex
session, a court spokeswoman said Friday.
"Four hours of sex noises. What was I supposed to think? It was nothing but groaning and banging," the woman told the judge, a Bild newspaper report said. The woman told Berlin magistrates that her 25-year old neighbor Andreas G. was disturbing the peace by keeping her awake early in the morning.
Andreas said his 26-year old neighbor had complained in the past, calling at five in the afternoon, but that he had not felt obliged to respond. "I can have as much sex as loud as I want then," he said. The judge dropped the case on learning that the man had since moved out of the apartment.
What was she supposed to think? It's simple -- that someone else was having sex and she wasn't. :-)
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Where for Art Thou, Oh Pheromones?
The Sex Fairy
Longtime pal J. sent this to me via email, and since I'm always thinking about y'all out there, I wanted to share the love. This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. If the email is forwarded to 10 other folks, the "hot sex fairy" will visit you in four days. If YOU forward it to 10 other people, then the fairy visits you (and so on, and so on.) Given the fact that I've got some 3 readers of my blog who have loads of friends, I figure that maybe by posting the email it will increase my own odds a bit. (yuk, yuk.) Here ya go. Read through to the end.
- Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
- Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
- Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
- Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
- Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
- The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
- Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
- Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
- Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
- A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in the basement of the Dwight House Pub. It has been sent around the world nine times. Now sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on. If you don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off. This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?) and the one whom sent it to you. Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price. Do not keep this message. This message must leave your email in 96 hours. Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days. Since the copy must tour the world, you must send it. This is true, even if you are not superstitious.
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Apple's Fukubukuro
Tomorrow morning, the first few hundred people through the door at Apple's new Union Square store in San Francisco will have a chance to buy a $250 "lucky bag" (fukubukuro in Japanese) which may or may not contain a new mini iPod. Meanwhile, the lucky bags contain seven or eight items worth a total of $600-$1,000. Wired News
I only wish I was in San Francisco for that one. Better yet, I want Steve Jobs to send me a lucky bag. In fact, I think all dedicated Apple users should get one, just because we're all so damn devoted. (Oz, too bad your conference isn't until June. That would have been one sweet score!)
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Gender-Neutral Marriages in New Paltz, New York
AP: The young mayor of this college town said he'll perform marriages for up to a dozen same-sex couples Friday, comparing opponents of the idea to "those who would have made Rosa Parks sit in the back of the bus.''
From the Village of New Paltz, New York website: Thank you for your interest in being married in the Village of New Paltz, NY. On Friday, February 27th, 2004, from 12 noon to 2pm, Mayor Jason West will perform a small number of "gender-neutral" marriages at the Village Hall at 25 Plattekill Ave. At this time the Village is unable to accept any additional applicants for marriages on this day.
If you are interested in getting on the Village's marriage waiting list, please click here to complete the form with the information requested. Please do not call the Village. The village will notify you by email in the near future regarding any additional opportunities for couples to be married.
Thank you again for your interest and support.
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February 26, 2004
Apropos at the Moment
Wendy at allseasons has selected a perfect and brilliant passage -- as she writes, "this passage just seems a little apropos at the moment" -- I agree. Go read it in her post: intolerance.
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Funky DNS?
For the past week now I've been unable to access my site in the evenings (hmm... dinner break for the blog?) The blog address is set in MT as www.squipper.com/weblog, and when trying to access that, it returns a 'server not found' error. If I type that same address without the 'www' in the address, it gives me a page of my text, flush left, and no graphics. I've no idea what's up with that, but am wondering if it's the DNS and how I have my MovableType config set up. Isn't there a way where the blog can be accessed, in its entirety, with either address? Perhaps my config isn't set up properly? Any thoughts?
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New Kid on the Blog
I remember when I first put this page together as a blog -- moving from a single static page to an MT-driven one complete with comments. It was cool to begin receiving comments from all over the world - (we'll leave the comment spam out of the coolness factor) - and for someone who was new to that format, I was grateful that folks actually took the time to stop by and deposit their thoughts here.
This memory pops into my head because someone I've known for quite a long time has recently made that same switch - from static pages to blog format. Christopher is someone I've known since the early 90s, and he has been a reader of my previous Web site and numerous blatherings for many, many years. Chris has been busy getting his own blog up to speed, and I noticed recently that he added a comments function (yay!.)
Who can forget their very first visitor and comment depositor? I remember what it was like, the cheap thrill when I got my first one ... first comment, that is. (It was a cheaper thrill when that number rose to two comments.) I'm sure you remember those days also. If you're inspired to do a good deed today and help a newbie, feel free to pop into his blog and just say 'hey.' It would be a cool thing to do. :-)
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February 25, 2004
Can I Just be Myself?
Who Would You Like Me to Be Today?
Should I put on a costume today, a disguise, anything that will hide the real me, turn myself into something you would prefer? Shall I dip my toes into the safe waters of being what you want me to be, or can I just be myself.
Knowing me and liking me means keeping ALL of the terrific parts of me for yourself - those which you hold near and dear to your heart, and ignoring or disregarding the small pieces about me that you can't stand. To me, a friend is someone you know everything about but like anyway.
That's how I view friendship. I'm not about attempting to change those I count as friends. You won't hear me criticize you, and if I ever did, you asked me for my opinion, and my two cents is usually spun into something positive and never negative. Keep your spots, I like them exactly the way they are. Don't go changing to try and please me (thank you, Billy Joel.) I don't need or want a robot in my circle of friends; it's not in my nature to associate with folks who will change the way they are because they say or do something I don't like. That's you - and that's why I count you as a friend. The good. The bad. The ugly. If you know someone who is perfect, please point them out to me, as I would really like to see what perfect is.
Here's to liking YOU - for all your quirks, eccentricities, bizarre behavior and unfair demands, as well as your intelligence, talent, grace, personality, sensitivity and your desire to help others. Nevermind your damn good looks (none of my friends are ugly. NONE.)
Thank you. I'm now off my soapbox. Please drive thru.
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Jewels
I'm always on the lookout for blogs that are different. Here are a couple of recent finds.
Synthetic Reality: I like the honest and forthright manner in which he writes, particularly on his Understanding/About page. I've not gone through his archives yet, but I will. It's worth checking out.
Spinning: - yet another very talented writer!
Outside of the two mentioned above, there are more and I'll save those for a future post.
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Blogbinders
Attention, ladies .... in particular, Ms. Twat and Ms. Fluff
Blogbinders: turn your weblog into a book. (via Adam)
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Cold Today, Hot Tamale?
According to the Weather Channel, the coldest spot in the United States this morning was Saranac Lake, New York at 20 degrees below zero. How ya doing up there, Al?
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Modern-Day Slavery Alive and Well in Florida
CNN: TALLAHASSEE, Florida (AP) --Modern-day slavery is alive and well in Florida, the head of a human rights center said Tuesday as it released a report on people forced to work as prostitutes, farmworkers and maids across the state.
Human traffickers bring thousands of people into the United States each year and Florida is believed to be one of the top three destinations, along with New York and Texas, according to the Center for the Advancement of Human Rights at Florida State University. Although there have been several prosecutions of human trafficking in Florida, no one knows how many people in Florida are under the control of traffickers, said Terry Coonan, the center's executive director. In south Florida, federal prosecutions have indicated hundreds of farmworkers were victims of human trafficking, and a forced prostitution ring identified as many as 40 young women and girls brought from Mexico. The center also cited a case of "domestic servitude" in southwest Florida. But the problem is not limited to those areas or those industries, according to Robin Thompson, director of the research project. "All you have to do is look where cheap labor is required and where there is a potential for labor exploitation, which pretty much can put you anywhere in our state," Thompson said.
The center organized a "working group" of advocates and law enforcement officials to study the issue. The project was funded by a federal grant under a 2000 law designed to increase protections for victims of human trafficking. The center's report emphasized that not all victims of human trafficking are illegal immigrants. Many enter the United States legally but because of their poverty or inability to speak English are exploited by traffickers. And some victims are Americans, Thompson said, pointing to the homeless, addicted and runaways as potential victims for traffickers.
"The greater the awareness, the more likely these cases will be reported and prosecuted," Coonan told reporters. "This is almost an invisible crime because the victims are kept out of the public eye. We need to crack this code of silence."
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February 24, 2004
Miniature City
You really had to know your Photoshop in order to participate in Miniature City. The contest was described as follows: "In this contest you are to make an image that shows what it would be like if life was very, very small." The images are amazing and worth checking out.
- via another find from Al - thanks!
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Confessions of the Lovelorn...
... and other comic books/covers from the '40s and '50s. For the category of Classic Good Girl and Romance Covers, the site's creator notes, they are comics for girls and feature stories of love and romance, often with surprisingly adult themes and situations.
For example, "My Love Life" has sub-titles of the pieces inside such as I Asked for Trouble, Week-End Wife and I Was an Untamed Filly. In "Love Lessons," the cover includes this list: A Wolf Without a Sheepskin, Love em and Leave em, The Strange Case of the Wounded Lover.
Titles from the rest of the cover collection include: "Confessions of the Lovelorn," "Flaming Love," "Ideal Romance," "Secret Love," "Radiant Love," "Strange Confessions," "Strange Love," "Life Secrets," "Love Lessons" and "Love Scandals," among others.
In addition to the comics mentioned above, the site also has Classic Super-Hero and War Covers and Classic Crime and Horror Covers.
- via Al of Fulton Chain. Thanks Al!
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February 23, 2004
On Deck
Years ago while on vacation in St. Thomas, I was taking an after-dinner stroll and found myself headed toward the pier. Earlier that morning I looked out my hotel window and saw a ship in the distance. I didn't think much about it at the time, but soon found that the same ship I'd seen earlier was now at the pier in front of me.
I'd never seen any type of ship before and immediately wanted to get closer to it and take pictures. After snapping a few photos, I looked up and saw someone standing on the deck looking down. Without hesitation I yelled up, "hey, can I board?" The guy on the ship's deck told me to wait while he asked his commanding officer. He soon returned with his CO, and I was summoned to come up. I was thrilled. I wanted to see what it was like up there, I couldn't inhale it all quickly enough and my curiosity was in high speed mode. I flew up the gangplank in my dress and heels (I'm sure that was an entertaining view from below) and was really excited to see everything.
Since it was evening, they couldn't give me a tour of the ship. I was disappointed yet still surprised that they even let me come aboard the ship, even if it was limited to the ship's deck. They didn't tell me much, except that the ship was a destroyer, and that I could stay up there a few minutes at the most.
I wanted some sort of souvenir before leaving, and asked my host where I could get one of the caps he was wearing. He told me the ship's store was closed, but that didn't deter me. I managed to talk him into a barter. I happily walked back down the gangplank of the destroyer with his cap and his address, and in exchange I sent him some magazines and calendars to distribute on board (I was working at Sports Illustrated at the time, and the bathing suit issue had just come out.) Months later, I received a letter from the guy, telling me all about the mission of the destroyer he was on and how long they'd be out to sea. I still have that letter, and in re-reading it, found that the guy's specialty for the Navy was computers. (Gee, no surprise there, eh?) When I googled the destroyer, the USS John Hancock, I found that it was decommissioned, but that it took part in the International Naval Review in NYC in 2000 (DUH. Who knew?)
For those of you who live near ports-of-call, seeing these ships is nothing new. For my friend Henry who's been a Navy man for many years, he's probably sitting back and laughing with the rest of you who have seen it all before, wondering what all the fuss is about. For me, this was a big deal and an entirely different experience. I wanted to see everything on the destroyer -- inside and out. I wanted to know how everything worked, I wanted full descriptions, I was a sponge waiting to fill up and overflow with facts. I have no idea where this curiosity and desire came from; after all, most women usually aren't interested in ships. And though I could easily get a quick fix by visiting the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum, it's just not the same thing. Perhaps one day I'll have the opportunity to tour a destroyer ... that would be really, really cool.
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February 20, 2004
Who's That Knockin' at My Door?
Inspired by Rocket Jones, who was inspired elsewhere. :-)
I'm always fascinated when I look at the list of visitors to my goddess-knows-what blog. Though I truly believe that most of them are simply search engine results, there's no mistaking the 20-50-100-400 accesses for some of them (such as those on the first line.) It's interesting to see that I've got the military and the government keeping an eye on things here. Hmm...
Belgium - Australia - United Kingdom - Germany - Canada - Japan - USA Military - USA Government
Italy - Netherlands - France -Singapore - Norway - New Zealand - Sweden - Taiwan - Mexico - Denmark
Israel - Poland - Austria - Finland - USA Educational - Non-Profit Organizations - Hungary - Switzerland
Turkey - Malaysia - Brazil - Philippines - Croatia - Guatemala - Lithuania - Belize - Dominican Republic
Hong Kong - Saudi Arabia - Nepal
- Zimbabwe - Ireland - - United States - Peru - Argentina - Uruguay
Unknown - Spain - Portugal - Egypt - Thailand - Estonia - Iceland
If by chance you're here purely because I'm so talented, witty and drop-dead gorgeous, well! Aren't you the lucky one! (Yes, yes, I'm joking.) Greetings, salutations and welcome! Stop by, settle back into your easy chair and brace yourself. One never knows what will show up on this blog: trust me, I never know either. Feel free to say hi in the comments box, I'd love to know where my visitors come from.
p.s. And should you happen to be visiting from unknown, just let me know where I can find that on a world map, 'k? :-)
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February 18, 2004
How Old Do YOU Feel?
With all the February birthdays happening over on the DMB lobster roll (Zoe of My Boyfriend is a Twat, Daisy of Chasing Daisy, Dragon of HeadCleaner(), to name a few) the thought popped into my head that at times I feel really old, and other times I feel very young.
It is said that you're as old as you feel, so my question is: how do you feel today? Old goat, young and chipper, in-between, ????
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Message for Zoe ...
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February 17, 2004
No Pants Day
Mark Your Calendars
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Links on Rolls
Or, as I like to say, sausage links on lobster rolls.
I don't know why I associate my list of links with lobster rolls. I don't even eat lobster rolls. I suppose the reason is because it's called a blogroll... I read 'blogroll' and think lobster roll. Go figure. Anyway, I've added new sausage links to my lobster roll. Here they are:
mookie riffic, a blog about "the life of a semi-average high school kid."
me(ish), who will be getting married soon, is the creator of the anti-Valentines, mentioned here in a previous post.
Dana of Note-It Posts and the creator of Bloggers With Boobies: "a badge of pride for all strong, self-assured female bloggers (like me) who refuse to be ashamed about their femininity. We're the anti-feminists." Men can show their support of the "Bloggers With Boobies" by displaying the badge, "I Support Bloggers With Boobies." The graphic can be found on Dana's main page.
Next we have taliesin's log, which I spent a good deal of time reading the other day. In fact, I spent WAY too much time over there, but it was worth the visit. I highly recommend it but give yourself some time to read through it all.
I stumbled on Rocket Jones a while ago but neglected to add the link. Be sure to read A Cornucopia of Ted, his '100 Things' list.
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February 16, 2004
Adam Curry and Crew Live from Iraq
Adam Curry is broadcasting live this week from Iraq.
According to his blog, he'll be on the air from 8-11 a.m. local time, 6-9 a.m. in the Netherlands. In addition to the live broadcast, he's posting updates to his blog and he's got a 'Curry and Crew Cam' set up.
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Greetings from the Arctic
In other news, the boiler for the apartment building I live in isn't working. This means there's no hot water. I can deal with that part, but it's the lack of heat that has me experiencing what it must be like in the Arctic, or living in Al's neighborhood. Brings new meaning to the word "cold" when you can see your own breath in your apartment. *shiver* Evidently the boiler folks will be visiting at 3 p.m. today ... meanwhile, if it gets any colder in here I'll be sitting here typing while wearing a hat and my parka. :-)
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Birthday Countdown
Zoe's birthday is Wednesday, February 18.
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February 14, 2004
Shower Like a Guy
How To Shower Like A Man:
[Graciously ripped from GDay Mate. Thanks!]
- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
- Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.
- Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates".
- Get in the shower.
- Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).
- Wash your face.
- Wash your armpits.
- Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
- Wash your privates and surrounding area.
- Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
- Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
- Make a shampoo Mohawk.
- Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
- Pee (in the shower).
- Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
- Partially dry off.
- Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.
- Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
- Leave bathroom fan and light on.
- Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
- Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
Since I don't need to read how to shower like a woman because I am a woman, perhaps some of you guys might want to venture on over to GDay Mate to read the rest of his post. :-)
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Mind Media Persuasion Test
In between my multi-tasking -- slaying dragons, growing petunias, swinging from the rafters, you know, the everyday stuff we all do -- I hopped online, caught up with some RSS reading and took one of those godawful tests. I found the Mind Media Persuasion Test via Rocket Jones and here are my fascinating results, which I attribute to way too many blows to the head (yes, it's a fact):
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Your Brain Usage Profile
Visual : 46%
Left : 31%
Right : 68%
Cynthia, you show a slight right-hemisphere dominance with a moderate preference for auditory processing, an unusual and somewhat paradoxical combination of characteristics.
You are drawn to a random and sometimes nonchalant synthesis of material. You learn as it seems important to a specific situation, and might even develop a resentment of others who attempt to direct your learning down a specific channel. [<-- resentment of those trying to direct me? hmm...]
Your right-hemispheric dominance provides a structure that is only loosely organized and one which processes entire swatches of reality, [<-- ooh, like Martha Stewart?] overlooking details. You are emotional in your reactions and perceptual more than logical in your approach, although you can impose structure and a language base when necessary. [<-- would that be any language, or just the one I'm supposed to be speaking at the time?]
Your auditory preference, on the other hand, implies that you process information sequentially and unidimensionally.[<--does that make me uni-Cindy?] This combination of right-brain and auditory modes creates conflict, as you want to process data more rapidly than your natural processes allow. [<-- sadly, this is true. I'm always in conflict with myself. Especially that damn left brain.]
Your tendency to be creative and free-flowing is accompanied by sufficient ability to organize and be logical, allowing you a reasonable degree of success in a number of different endeavors. You take in information methodically and systematically which can then be synthesized [<-- Cynthia the Cynthesizer!] rapidly. In this manner, you manage to function consistently well, although certainly less efficiently than you desire.
You prefer the abstract and are a theoretician at heart while retaining the ability to be practical. You find the symbolism in a great deal of what you encounter and are something of a "mystic." [<--- no way, no how, not me.]
With regards to your lifestyle, you have the mentality which would be good as a philosopher, writer, journalist, or instructor, or possibly as a systems designer [<-- ha! not likely] or social worker. Perhaps most important is your ability to "listen to your inner voice" as a mode of skipping over unnecessary steps to achieve your goals. [<-- huh?]
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It just so happens that I'm reading the book, Mind Wide Open: Your Brain and the Neuroscience of Everyday Life by Steven Johnson. I think I'll put it back in the bookcase. Maybe I'm not reading enough smut lately, or I should simply stop taking these tests. I'm horribly vain, self-centered and full of myself, and these results completely destroy all the fame and notoriety I've worked so hard to build in this bit of dust on the landscape of allaboutmeitis -- AND, most importantly, the test results make me look like a moron. {wink}
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Happy Love Day
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February 13, 2004
Computers Should be Masculine ...
The women's group concluded that computers should be masculine ('le computer') because:
- Via Gray Monk's post, Feminine Wiles? Or Simply Male Disinterest? See his blog post for the male point of view. :-)
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Lies, Damn Lies
Research by Jeff Hancock of Cornell University in Ithaca, New York finds that people lie more on the telephone than by email.
Source and story: New Scientist
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Pucker Up for World Kissing Record
Couples in the Philippine capital Manila are limbering up their lips for a mass kissing session on Valentine's Day that could snatch the coveted world record from Chile.
Mayor Lito Atienza has invited 5,000 couples to smooch simultaneously for 10 seconds along the city's bay, thus beating the record set by 4,445 couples just last month in Santiago. "We're trying to establish a world record for the most number of couples kissing at the same time," the mayor's spokesman, Armand Sebastian, said Thursday. He said the mayor plans to personally boost the attempt on the world mark by kissing his wife.
Men and women, most of them in their 20s, poured onto a cordoned-off street in Chile's capital in January to kiss for at least 10 seconds and smash the previous record held by Canada. Reuters
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Nominate a Dick
Perhaps you know some jerk worthy of the Dick List? Name your dick, and why you hate him, and maybe he'll make the list! - via The Disgruntled Housewife
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Pre-Arranged Boyfriends
Reuters: Hua Mei, a giant panda born at sunny California's San Diego Zoo, returned to China looking for love. Her name means China-America, and she has a choice of three pre-selected male pandas. The hope is one or two could become her boyfriend later.
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You Done Me Wrong
Sydney (Reuters): Lovers Top Contract Killing 'Hit' List
A study of contract killings in Australia has found most are not ordered by criminals, but by angry spouses and jilted lovers. But professional criminals order the most successful "hits."
The Australian Institute of Criminology and South Australia's major crime investigation branch studied 163 attempted and actual killings between 1989 and 2002. "The most common motive or reason for hiring the services of a hit man was in relation to the dissolution of an intimate relationship," Toni Makkai, acting director of the Australian Institute of Criminology, said in a statement received on Wednesday. Makkai said the most common motives ranged from preventing a person from pursing another relationship, revenge for having an affair, eliminating a partner in order to be with a lover or to gain custody of children.
Other motives were money, silencing a witness, general revenge, drugs and organized crime rivalry. The average payment received by a "hitman" for a contract was $12,700, the lowest $380 and the highest $76,000.
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L'Affaire
Me and Mrs. Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now
We meet every day at the same cafe
Six-thirty and no one knows she'll be there
Holding hands, making all kinds of plans
While the juke box plays our favorite songs
We gotta be extra careful
That do we don't build our hopes up too high
Because she's got her own obligations
And so, and so, do I
Well, it's time for us to be leaving
It hurts so much, it hurts so much inside
Now she'll go her way and I'll go mine
Tomorrow we'll meet
The same place, the same time
Billy Paul/Me and Mrs. Jones
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February 12, 2004
Barbie and Ken Split Up
The Romance is Over
CNN: After 43 years of togetherness, Barbie and Ken have split up. The couple's "business manager," Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that Barbie and Ken "feel it's time to spend some quality time -- apart." "Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood romance has come to an end," said Arons, who quickly added that the duo "will remain friends."
Barbie -- the most popular fashion doll in the world, according to toy maker Mattel --
met Ken on the set of a TV commercial in 1961, and they have been inseparable ever since.
The separation may be partially due to Ken's reluctance to getting married.
Another possible factor is Barbie's career. The doll who was "born" Barbie Millicent Roberts in 1959 has
been everything from a rock star to military medic, and she's currently marketed in more than 150 countries.
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Grassy Ass
Last month Oz at GDay Mate told us a sweet story about his Uncle Sid. Seems Uncle Sid has a bit of an identity problem, as his full name of Sydney is often mispronounced via folks who drag this lovely two-syllable name (SYD - NEY) into three syllables (SY-D-NEY.)
Oz's story about mispronunciation reminded me of those times when I'd heard some serious blunders in english language usage as well as those which I've made myself. No one can mispronounce a word faster than I can (though it's usually when I attempt speaking another language.) Before I go ahead and write up my own verbal disasters, (that will take some time,) here's one I witnessed.
I was in Puerto Rico at the time, and overheard this polite Southern gentleman attempt to be gracious to a waitress by using his version of the Spanish word for thank you,(gracias,) along with the word seniorita. It rolled off his tongue like this: 'grassy ass, seen your eeta.'
What words have you botched?
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February 9, 2004
While You Were Sleeping
Update: I remembered the dream.
There was pain at a first. The minute he thrust himself into the delicate tissue, I cried out. "Oh! Oh!" I struggled to push him off me, his tool shoved all the way into my mouth. He kept moving it around, and I tried to make him stop, but he pushed even more.
My head was swimming, saliva slowly creeping down the side of my mouth. He was taking a very long time, but the numbness had finally set in. I felt nothing. I was in heaven, adrift in the clouds. I barely heard his quiet grunts. Eventually I felt the release from my mouth. He was done.
My tooth had been extracted.
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I was in the middle of a really good dream. I can't remember what it was. Maybe it was sexual, maybe it was a conversation I was having with someone, maybe I was on vacation in some warm and sunny faraway land. I've no clue, except to say that if it was really that good I'm sure I'd remember it now. All I know is that I was content, sound asleep and in the middle of some happy-go-lucky mind movie when all of a sudden I heard a loud BANG! that woke me from my slumber. The movie ubruptly came to a halt and my body bolted to an upright position. My heart began pounding. I had no idea what it was, what happened, but thought it sounded like a car crash. I dragged myself out of bed and headed downstairs to look out the window.
I pulled the curtain back on one window and saw nothing unusual on the street. I shuffled over to the other window and saw a police car, lights flashing, positioned diagonally and pointed in the direction of what I assumed was a parked car at the corner. Next thing I knew, 5 other police cars were zooming down the block, burning rubber and screeching on their brakes. The cops were yelling - either at each other or into their radios. My upstairs neighbor was also awake, as I heard him walking around his apartment and then down the stairs and out the door to see what was going on. Lesson number one from my brother the police officer - one does not venture out-of-doors when police activity is going on. You make their job more difficult and are simply in the way, nevermind the fact that you could easily be putting yourself in danger. The only thing I learned from my investigation was police activity out on the street. There wasn't anything I could do except go back to sleep and hit the rewind button in dreamland.
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Utter Wonder's Google Rank
Chris of Utter Wonder, whose writing and humor I truly enjoy, has recently posted about his Google rank. He writes:
"... But on Saturday morning I looked up on my Google bar and noticed that my 6 out of 10 was no more. In its place was the return of 5 out of 10, the epitome of irrelevancy and blahness. Just like that Utter Wonder was a whole 1 out of 10 less important. A sinking feeling sunk in me like no sinking feeling had ever sunk in me before. I felt hurt, betrayed, belittled and under appreciated. And sunken. What the hell did I do to be demoted?"
"Some might ask why this is so important to me. Well, the answer is obvious: because I am a shallow person who invests a incredible amount of time, effort, and concern in being popular. I'm pathetic. There. Satisfied? I think there is something admirable in wearing your shallowness on your sleeve. I make no excuses: I am a fragile, superficial man who wears really cool shirts. Love me."
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Widget Worship
Nicholas' blog, titled Blogged: Deep Links, Data and Other Detritus, is a trip. I've no idea what you call the widget that produces small boxes of text near the links in the center of the page, but I'm loving it.
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The E-Infectors
Great story by Clive Thompson in yesterday's New York Times Sunday Magazine: "The Virus Underground" takes a look at the kids who create computer viruses and worms.
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February 8, 2004
Oh, I Shouldn't!
"We're alone," he said discreetly.
"I've been good till now!" she sighed.
"But you're human!" he replied.
"It's so big!" she hesitated.
"It's all yours," he proudly stated.
"Oh, I shouldn't!" she protested.
"If you love me --!" he suggested.
And so, losing all resistance,
she gave in to his insistence...
And ate every single chocolate in the box!
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February 6, 2004
In Response to Your Inquiry
Update February 7: Oz graciously responded to my request for his input. Please see his recent post. Thanks Oz. I appreciate your help!
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Pray tell, how did I get the job of justifying the reactions of Mac users? Is it just because I happen to be one, or have I been mistaken for Steve Jobs? Yeah, that must be it. I dyed my hair brown and that's where the resemblance comes from. Uh huh.
[Before I go into the tale, let me state for the record that I was a wind-doze PC user for many years. One day I acquired a Mac II FX, and, outside of being forced by my employers to use wind-doze PCs at work, I stuck with the Mac and never went back.] Now on with the story.
Wired News recently posted a story, Create a Hoax, Earn Damnation, about a 'barely believable' hoax detailing the gutting of a brand new and very expensive Power Mac G5. The hoaxer claimed he received the G5 for Christmas, but preferring a Wind-doze PC, he swapped out the G5 innards for the guts of a cheap PC. This story that was posted on overclockers.com created an uproar among some Mac fans.
Greg of Mr. Helpful is looking for an explanation from me for this 'idiocy.' He writes in a recent blog post: "Squipster? As a dedicated Mac user, do you wish to offer an explanation for this idiocy?"
Let me see if I can cough up a polite response to his inquiry.
*First, when you write 'idiocy' - do you mean the idiocy of the hoax or the idiocy of the reaction. Clarification would be helpful.
*Second, I feel your pain, oh Mr. Helpy, that you are stuck using a Wind-doze PC. But hey, that is your choice.
*Third, I will venture to guess that since a Power Mac G5 is an expensive piece of equipment, it might just be a DGR (damn good reason) for Mac users to cry foul!
*Fourth -- the best way I can address your inquiry is through comparison (kumquats to kiwis -- both fruit, but vastly different) or something like that.
(Let's see if I say this the way I mean it:)
It's like taking a brand new vehicle, like a Rolls Royce or a Mercedes 500CL, and ripping out the engine and everything else and replacing
it with parts from a salvage yard.
If that didn't help shed some light as to the dedication and evangelism of Mac users, then perhaps a certain reader from Down Under will jump in and add his opinion to help, uh, make things clearer for you.
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Attention-Getting Behavior
I read the "Why your Movable Type blog must die" rant the other day. For those of you who haven't seen or read this attack of MT users, Oz of GDay Mate points to a number of links in his post you can go through to find it. Here is the opening of this guy's love letter to MT users:
You are all pretentious twats
Every last one of you. You're all latte-sipping, iMac-using, suburban-living tertiary-industry-working WASPs who offer absolutely no new insights on anything whatsoever apart from maybe one specialist field if we're lucky. Most of you think that you're writing original content and that you're making a contribution by licensing your spewings under Creative Commons "Some Rights Reserved" licences, just because it's the hip thing to do. You think you know all there is to say about blogging because you understand the concept of HTML and CSS, but the horrible truth is that 40% of you are all using the same shitty default layout.
After reading this attack of MT users, I couldn't help thinking that the guy sounds just like a disgruntled employee, the kind of person who could easily go postal at a moment's notice. Perhaps he tried to download and install Movable Type and failed miserably. Maybe he tried to get a job working with the MT crew and was rejected, or his girlfriend uses MT for her blog and she just dumped him.
Whatever the case may be, he made himself stand out in a way that guaranteed he received the attention he obviously craved. It seems to me that in the blog world, all you need to do is write something really nasty and post it in order to get attention. Attack the masses, attack well-known bloggers, criticize people, software, hardware, etc. and you're almost guaranteed an audience. Judging by the reaction to the rant, this method is effective and it works, and that's a shame, isn't it. I find myself more interested in the real story, the events leading up to this guy's explosion of criticism, but I'm sure that story will never rise to the surface.
In the meantime, some MT users took the opportunity to respond to the postal posting with humor. LeeAnn of The Cheese Stands Alone writes:
And the voice whimpered "I must have a name, yea, a mighty name, one that will display not only my cutting-edge technological grasp of idealism, but will also represent my I.Q. and my penis size in centimeters!" And thus the rock was lifted and Kuro5hit emerged.
Others have chosen to display this image on their blogs after reading the offensive piece:
The guy got exactly what he wanted -- our attention. It was too easy for him to attack other bloggers. He could hide his true identity in the anonymous gateway of a site that allowed him to post incognito. That in itself speaks volumes about him.
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February 4, 2004
Be My Anti-Valentine
This e-card and others can be found at meish.org -- click on the image and it'll take you there. :-)
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February 3, 2004
4-Day Disconnect
I meant to post last week that I was taking a break from things wired in order to physically dust my brain (and you wonder where that blog title came from - wonder no more.) Anyway, I was so excited to be disconnected that my memory to blog about my departure short-circuited as well. Out the door I went, no laptop, no mobile phone, no nuttin' -- I was a happy camper. When I returned to the wired world, one surprise that greeted me included 150 pieces of spam for each day I was gone. I use Eudora for my mail and though it includes a Junk filter for spam, somehow those 500+ pieces didn't filter. This meant reading each name in the From column to make sure I wasn't deleting email from folks I know. Another nifty treat came via the bombardment of bounced emails (AOL/mail delivery subsystem/returned mail) that all used my squipper domain. Pardon my french, but who the fuck is George at squipper dot com? I don't use AOL and know only a few folks who do, and they aren't even in my address book. I've no clue how to stop random jackasses from using my domain name. Recommendations would be appreciated.
Meanwhile, back at surprise central ...
The other surprises I encountered upon my return were really nice ones. One included an email from a blog friend who wrote: "come back - all is forgiven! I haven't seen a post in four days - are you OK?" It was really nice to know that ONE dedicated reader actually noticed I wasn't around.
As for surprise number 2, that snarky (I mean that in a fun-loving yet respectful way) upstater Al floored me when he posted about my jewelry. I know I should be pushing the goods for Valentine's Day, but when you're the designer and the producer, by the time you've finished designing, producing, pricing and packaging, it's a wonderful thing when someone else promotes the goods for you (especially when you weren't expecting it.) So... a cord of thanks, Al. It was really cool of you to sneak that into your blog and mention my warez. ;-)
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The Breast
Update: February 5
Reuters is reporting that Janet Jackson's invitation to appear and introduce a tribute to Luther Vandross at Sunday's Grammy Awards has been retracted. Justin Timberlake remains on the 'entertainment' roster -- he is a Grammy nominee.
Granted, Jackson admitted that it was her idea and also stated that it wasn't 'intended to end the way it did.' (I suppose giving the benefit of the doubt to her statement is out of the question.) To make things even more ludicrous yet amusing, the BBC included this column: US Apoplexy Over Jackson Flash -- I can only imagine the LA-based journalist ringing up Robert Thompson, director of the Centre for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University. 'Hello?' ... 'uh, yes, um, I'm a correspondent for the BBC phoning to inquire about the daft display of cerebral hemorrhages your countrymen are currently spouting. Care to comment on that?" Mr. Thompson's response wasn't what I expected, but it's accurate:
arguably the most obsessed about sex of anybody else in the entire planet and at the
same time the most uptight about it."
It may have been Jackson's idea in the first place, but it's not like she ripped open the top herself. Bad idea or not, she wasn't alone in its execution.
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America Sees a Breast for the First Time
Never before has one breast affected so many people at one time. I am amazed. I am stunned. I am wondering if there isn't anything better to do these days.
The breast from Super Bowl Sunday made the evening news last night. There it was, protruding like a broken bone amid reports about the economy, Iraq and the stock market. Americans flooded the CBS television network and the FCC with phone calls about their outrage over the bared breast. Singlehandedly, (single-'breast'edly?) this runaway breast 'corrupted family values' and, after the network showed a tape of the Britney/Madonna kiss, went on to say that a line needed to be drawn with these "R-rated stunts." The message: a bared breast is not appropriate for family television viewing time.
I suppose America wasn't watching when Lil' Kim displayed her nipple-covered breast throughout the VMAs (1999 Video Music Awards/MTV.) Her breast didn't cause the furor that Sunday's breast did. At the time, the big news was that Diana Ross reached over and bounced Kim's breast. Though that particular breast incident happened on cable television, why is it all such a big deal? It's just a breast.
While everyone is busy carrying on about the breast, it makes you wonder if anyone other than the football players remember that a championship game was played. In a matter of seconds, the game went from the Super Bowl to the Breast Bowl. America, you've been boobled. Get over it.
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