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September 6, 2006

Mish-Mash

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the operating system.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old stand-by... Lingerie 6.9 (which has been credited with improved performance of his hardware.)

Good Luck, Tech Support

Virus Alert
All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications (such as Laplink) between the two systems. FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!

Alpha Release
Penetration is still in alpha-release stage, it doesn't have a version number yet. We'll give it a version once we have the many initial bugs worked out, it can function autonomically, responds a bit more mature and we are happy with its performance most of the time. At that point it will become a beta version, which will be the point where some new features can still be added without impacting reliability. After that, of course, there will be release candidate 1 & 2, which will be 'feature frozen' to see whether the customer is really happy with it and to make sure we have made it really fit the environment it is supposed to operate in for a long time. All of this comes before the release of the production version of penetration, which will be version 1.0, at which moment we can take the initial feedback and begin working on improving the product to really suit the customer's needs.

Cindy

Comments

Brain matter deposited by: susan on September 6, 2006 5:21 AM

Brain matter deposited by: zed on September 7, 2006 1:41 PM

Brain matter deposited by: Cindy on September 8, 2006 7:48 AM

Brain matter deposited by: Cream on September 18, 2006 11:19 AM