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August 25, 2006

Ma petite saucisse

Translation: "my little sausage"

So there I was...

... with a package of turkey sausages. The market had no pork sausages and I'd wanted something porky to go with my pasta. I had to settle for turkey. Okay, it's supposed to be healthier for you and I've had some turkey products like that before, so I went ahead with my link purchase.

When cooking any type of pork product, force of habit for me is to cook it until the fire department shows up, because we all know that half-cooked or partially cooked pork could just kill ya.

In my very evident glee in having a good pork substitute (albeit a healthy one) in my possession, I somehow neglected to realize that it was turkey, not pork. No matter, I'd just cook it up the same way I do with the pork. I take the skillet out, fill it with water, not overflowing and not underflowing, just enough to top the linkies.

Now, I don't know if you've ever seen what a turkey sausage looks like when it boils, but suddenly I looked at the skillet and said to myself, "Oh my god, they look like uncircumcised penises!" The horror! I couldn't get the image out of my mind (not that I have a problem with uncircumcised penises, mind you.)

The next step in my cooking process is to then broil them to death, thereby guaranteeing the heat-infused demise of any potential, er, uhm, pork thingie problem. (Obviously still not mindful of the fact that these are turkey sausages.) I slipped the uncircumcised now-white turkey penises into the broiler and instantly morph into albino weenie dominatrix.

I think I broiled those things for hours. At least it seemed that way. Funny thing was, they looked no different after torching than they did when I first put them in the broiler - except for the charring, of course. I had set one aside and then wrapped the rest in aluminum foil for the next day.

When I returned to the fridge a couple of days later and wondered what was hidden in a bed of foil, a family of sad and sorry, flaccid and suddenly elderly charred weenies were unearthed from the wrapping.

It is obvious that something is terribly wrong with me.

- from my February 9, 2005 archives.

Cindy

Comments

Brain matter deposited by: Kat on August 29, 2006 12:32 PM

Brain matter deposited by: Cindy on August 31, 2006 8:25 AM