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February 9, 2005
Ma petite saucisse
Note: if that's not the correct translation in French, well sue me. In English it's "my little sausage."
So there I was...
... with a package of turkey sausages. The market had no pork sausages and I'd wanted something porky to go with my pasta. I had to settle for turkey. Okay, it's supposed to be healthier for you and I've had some turkey products like that before, so I went ahead with my link purchase.
When cooking any type of pork product, force of habit for me is to cook it until the fire department shows up, because we all know that half-cooked or partially cooked pork could just kill ya.
In my very evident glee in having a good pork substitute (albeit a healthy one) in my possession, I somehow neglected to realize that it was turkey, not pork. No matter, I'd just cook it up the same way I do with the pork. I take the skillet out, fill it with water, not overflowing and not underflowing, just enough to top the linkies.
Now, I don't know if you've ever seen what a turkey sausage looks like when it boils, but suddenly I looked at the skillet and said to myself, "Oh my god, they look like uncircumcised penises!" The horror! I couldn't get the image out of my mind (not that I have a problem with uncircumcised penises, mind you.)
The next step in my cooking process is to then broil them to death, thereby guaranteeing the heat-infused demise of any potential, er, uhm, pork thingie problem. (Obviously still not mindful of the fact that these are turkey sausages.) I slipped the uncircumcised now-white turkey penises into the broiler and instantly morph into albino weenie dominatrix.
I think I broiled those things for hours. At least it seemed that way. Funny thing was, they looked no different after torching than they did when I first put them in the broiler - except for the charring, of course. I had set one aside and then wrapped the rest in aluminum foil for the next day.
When I returned to the fridge a couple of days later and wondered what was hidden in a bed of foil, a family of sad and sorry, flaccid and suddenly elderly charred weenies were unearthed from the wrapping.
It is obvious that something is terribly wrong with me.
Cindy
Comments
Whatever's wrong with you, it's not your French, which I thought had been banned in the United States anyway until Condi droned our ears off yesterday. Oups, politics.
Since your tale reminds me of one the Kid launched into about biting boys until I stopped her, you could at least tell us whether you ate the things.
Brain matter deposited by: taliesin on February 9, 2005 12:17 PM
Damn, that was funny.
Turkey sausages are the Devil. Now you know. ;-)
Brain matter deposited by: Kat on February 9, 2005 1:52 PM
This was hilarious!
I like turkey bratwurst, but I have to admit, it does not look good. I've never thought one looked like an uncircumsized penis, since.. well, I've never seen one head to head, but thinking back, I can see how you'd make that deduction.
Brain matter deposited by: paul on February 9, 2005 2:01 PM
Nicholas - one assumes you really want to know something more than if I just ate the things --
yes of course I did. Now as to the taste, I'll not say more :-)
Kat - hahaha!
Paul - thank you, thank you ... 'head-to-head' - now THAT's funny!
Brain matter deposited by: Cindy on February 9, 2005 2:31 PM
There is no such thing as a "good pork substitute". It's an oxymoron. You gotta consider... despite what that stupid pyramid says, there are really only two food groups: foods with bacon and foods without bacon.
You can probably guess my preference.
Brain matter deposited by: Al on February 9, 2005 8:21 PM
*giggles*
Brain matter deposited by: Tine on February 10, 2005 4:16 AM
LOL! You make me so glad I'm a veggie :-) Argh, will I ever get this picture out of my head?
Brain matter deposited by: pogo on February 10, 2005 6:14 AM
Oh Al, you're so literal and mr. oxymoron...
btw, is 'oxymoron' just another name for a moron who's also an ox? ;-)
Brain matter deposited by: Cindy on February 10, 2005 10:37 AM
i feel sick. are you sure that's the way to cook the things ?
Brain matter deposited by: zed on February 11, 2005 1:39 AM
Al obviously owns stock in Wendy's. ;)
Brain matter deposited by: Ted on February 11, 2005 7:25 AM
Goodness, how did I miss this one? Now knowing your "preferences," I definitely thin you'll enjoy a can of straw mushrooms.
Brain matter deposited by: susan on February 23, 2005 12:13 PM