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November 8, 2004
Greeting Cards
During a chat I had with my friend Ken quite a while ago, I told him about the message I received in a fortune cookie. It read, "if you excuse yourself from the table now, someone else might pay for your dinner." As always when speaking with Ken, one thing led to another and suddenly we were simultaneously blurting out our own witty little fortune cookie blurbs. We quickly moved on to greeting cards. Ken's focused on divorce, job loss and car theft:
- Thinking of you as you go through that godawful fourth divorce
- This is an OUTRAGE! You were fired? Tell your boss to go fuck himself!
- Your car was stolen AGAIN? Oh, my!
Now I'm thinking about greeting cards that don't exist. Copy that you only wish would appear in printed cards yet you've never seen them (that's what the blank cards are for, but the photos and drawings never quite match up, do they.) If you could write your own greeting cards, what's your message?
Cindy
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Over at DMB, Cindy is asking about blank greeting cards - what sort of cards do you wish existed but don't?
Personally I can only remember using blank ones when I didn't like the messages in the printed ones. Not for an alternate theme but just a ... [Read More]
Tracked on November 8, 2004 4:40 PM
Comments
How about 'Sorry you fell for me' :-) ?
Brain matter deposited by: Ozguru on November 8, 2004 4:37 PM
Oz, I'd give that one a different twist. Mine would be something along the lines of, 'what the HELL was I THINKING when I agreed to go out with you? My bad.'
Brain matter deposited by: Cindy on November 8, 2004 6:29 PM
Oh - there are so many, many that you could do.
I'll post a few off the top of my head...
Sorry about accidentally sleeping with your sister for the last 5 years.
Two choices: get viagra or bring a carrot with you.
I'm so sorry the mob killed your family - good luck with the witness relocation program!
The ski area said the tree will be fine - get well soon!
Brain matter deposited by: Keith of R.Electrons on November 8, 2004 7:09 PM
I'm sorry we stewed your pet rabbit, but if it's any consolation, he was delicious.
Any baby as ugly as yours must surely blessed with brains. Let's pray for that.
When I said your ass looked fat in those jeans I was totally kidding!
Brain matter deposited by: Kat on November 9, 2004 10:16 AM
"wanna fuck ?"
"you remind me of my mother: vindictive, ugly and totally unshaggable."
"i must just wipe these cuff marks off the bed's headboard."
"honey, you'd have to pay me loads."
just a few ... back to my chipmunk.
Brain matter deposited by: zed on November 9, 2004 1:39 PM
I'd say I'm sorry, but I'd be lying.
You're one of those secrets that get taken to the grave. Don't bother calling.
If your news was really that important, it'd be in the newspaper.
Salt, Pepper.
Ham, Eggs.
Grinning, Idiot.
I knew I'd find one that fit.
Obligatory monetary donation included after receiving your traditional announcement notice.
Brain matter deposited by: Ted on November 12, 2004 8:28 AM