Dusting My Brain: Is Variety the Spice of Life?

August 8, 2007

Is Variety the Spice of Life?

"Having sex with the same partner for the rest of your life is the equivalent of eating a cheese sandwich every single day; at some point you're going to get bored and want some variety."

So says a dear friend of mine who has been in a committed relationship for many, many years. This friend says that you can absolutely adore and be madly in love with your significant other, but that most men get bored after an extended period of time of having sex with the same person. He said it's mostly men (not women) who feel this way, that it's a biological reaction.

I've never been in a relationship where I knew that my significant other was actively including variety into his daily diet. In other words, he could have easily been unfaithful, but I wasn't aware of it. (This doesn't mean that naive Nelly was burying her head in the sand pretending not to notice.) It is one thing to be forthcoming about one's propensity for variety, and it is quite another to act as if the other person is your one and only cheese sandwich. I personally know a number of married and/or deeply committed couples who actively practice monogamy; it would be a frigid day in hell before they'd entertain the idea of variety. At the same time, there are those I know who actively practice and seek out all types of sandwiches, whether or not their significant other is aware of it.

So tell me, what is the real problem, if there is one? I think it is one thing if both parties in the couple agree to active variety, and quite another when one isn't aware of the other's taste-testing elsewhere. Doesn't it all boil down to one thing -- honesty? Is it more fun, more erotic, to pursue someone else while your significant other doesn't have a clue? Isn't it better to be up-front and discuss your need to satisfy your biological reactions?

Maybe that's what it takes to have a happy, committed relationship -- a little variety. Perhaps not.

Cindy

Comments

easy. add a bit of lettuce and tomato during foreplay and your cheese sandwich is already more interesting. people should try it.

Brain matter deposited by: zed on August 8, 2007 11:02 AM

Zoe - heh.

Brain matter deposited by: Cindy on August 8, 2007 5:17 PM

Sometimes the cheese has a headache.

In fact, the cheese usually has a headache.

Brain matter deposited by: Ozg on August 8, 2007 6:19 PM

would it even matter?

Brain matter deposited by: RONW on August 9, 2007 5:23 AM

The answer to your question depends on whether he wears socks with his Sperrys.

Brain matter deposited by: Jim Thompson on August 9, 2007 8:44 PM

Well, who the hell said THAT?

Brain matter deposited by: Kenster K on August 9, 2007 9:42 PM

Kenny - who said WHAT, cheese whiz? ;-)

Jim - LOL!

RonW - that would require a more in-depth discussion; care to elaborate?

Oz - :-)

Brain matter deposited by: Cindy on August 9, 2007 11:20 PM

Myself, I've gone all three ways (don't even think about a bad joke).

Back when I was a pig, I enjoyed sneaking around. At least until I got sick of lying all the time or got caught. Oddly enough, they tended to happen simultaneously.

The I went the more open route. That went well -- or did until she took me up on it.

Now, I'm a fan of monogamy. I have enough to worry about without trying to maintain a relationship that requires constant thought. It's kind of nice to just trust and be trusted.

Brain matter deposited by: Al on August 10, 2007 12:37 PM